nine questions church visitors aren't asking

Nine questions church visitors aren't asking (...but churches are still trying to answer)

1. So, how soon can I get involved with your committees? 

2. Can I get a longer bulletin - maybe something with more detail?

3. Will you please single me out in front of all the people during worship this morning?

4. Will you please send some "callers" by my house later and interrupt me while I fix dinner?

5. Can you please seat us in those uncomfortable pews with our fidgety kids and aging parents?

6. How quickly can I fill out a pledge card?

7. Does this church have weekly meetings, rehearsals, and other activities that will consume most of our family's free time?

8. I need more paperwork!  Can you give me a folder filled with glossy pamphlets, old newsletters, and denominational statements of belief?

9. During the worship service, can someone with a monotone voice speak (at length) about all the insider church happenings and people's private health matters?  I find this so inspiring.

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A big SALT thanks you to Matt Rosine - minister, congregational consultant for Church Extension, and student of Jesus - for this witty and wise blog post.  You can read more of Matt's writing over at Mosaic.  Also, thanks to Mr. T in DC for capturing the well-worn pews at Sacred Heart Church in Columbia Heights, MD.